Don’t Vajazzle Your Vajiggle Jaggle and 20 Other Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 20.

1. Do not hot glue fake rhinestones to your vajayjay. This trend is asinine and stupid and lots of other words for find-something-better-to-do-with-your-time-and-money. And private parts.

2. In the same vein, don’t wax every pubic hair from your lady parts to please a man. If you wanna do a brazilian for you, go for it. But don’t do it for him. Two very good reasons: A) It hurts like a mofo. Imagine pouring gasoline on your labia, letting it settle in for a bit and then lighting it on fire. Eerily similar. B) Any man who thinks having hair down there is nasty is not worth your time. You’re a woman, not an 8-year-old girl. Trim it, shape it, shave it into a Hitler mustache. But don’t wax it all off. And for God’s sake, don’t even go near the threading shop.

3. Confidence can be faked. You’ll find that if you fake it long enough, you’ll genuinely have it. And there is nothing more attractive than confidence. Not a thing. Not any amount of make-up, not big boobs, not even a great smile. And definitely not a rhinestone-bedecked vagina.

Don’t Vajazzle Your Vajiggle Jaggle and 20 Other Things I Wish I Knew When I Was 20. | Toulouse and Tonic.

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